Love your spouse as Jesus loves the Church

Let’s take a look at a very well known and very controversial Bible passage, Ephesians 5:21-33

Wives and Husbands.
Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ.*
Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord.
For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body.s
As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word,
that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
So [also] husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the church,
because we are members of his body.
“For this reason, a man shall leave [his] father and [his] mother
and be joined to his wife,
and the two shall become one flesh.”
This is a great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and the church.
In any case, each one of you should love his wife as himself, and the wife should respect her husband.

Of course, the part that people love to get hung up on is “wives should be subordinate to their husbands.” But as I am going to show, that goes both ways.

The part that I want to focus on for you men is not that. This passage calls for us to be willing to give up even more. This passage clearly states that husband and wife are to give up everything and become one. We become one in every way, physically and spiritually. We are no longer two I’s but we become one us.

When I hear that passage, the one thing that always sticks out to me is I am called to love my wife as Christ loved the Church. How much did Christ love the Church, he literally gave his life up for her. Christ accepted his fate of being crucified on the cross so he could save his Church and free its people forever.

Loving my wife in this way is the best thing I can do for not only our marriage but for our kids and anyone else who sees and knows us. We are called to love each other forever. Jesus tells us, they became one. When we take our sacramental vows and become one, no man is to separate us. That includes ourselves breaking this sacramental bond. When God brings us together, it is forever. Of course, I didn’t always think that way, but that is because I didn’t think of our marriage as a sacrament. I never thought of our relationship as being like Jesus’ is to the Church. No matter how flawed the people in the Church may be, would Jesus ever give up on the Church? Is there a situation where Jesus would not lay down his life again for the church? No. Jesus would never give up on the Church just as we should not give up on our spouse.

When God brings us together, it is forever. Of course, I didn’t always think that way, but that is because I didn’t think of our marriage as a sacrament. I never thought of our relationship as being like Jesus’ is to the Church. No matter how flawed the people in the Church may be, would Jesus ever give up on the Church? Is there a situation where Jesus would not lay down his life again for the church? No. Jesus would never give up on his spouse just as we should not give up on our spouse.

I believe our kids see that now. I now know the stories of how our kids used to huddle in a bedroom when we fought and feared we were going to blow up again and end up in divorce. Why wouldn’t they be worried about it? It was an option that we did consider more than once. Now I judge our kids know it’s ok if mom and dad have a fight because they know that our marriage is the most important thing, and we will get through it.

This passage is about the Church and how our marriage is like the Church. The two go hand in hand. What would Christ be without the Church? What would the Church be without Christ? Love and respect are working together to make a bond that cannot be broken. That is marriage. We are there for each other. We are one body – especially when it comes to being parents. When we create a united front with the children, it helps them to see how a marriage comes together. This works so much better for everyone involved than when they think they can get between us. We hope to give our kids a good idea of what being in a marriage means. We don’t want them to take it lightly.

Being in Retrouvaille has made this a passion for us to want to help others’ marriages because we believe so strongly in the value of marriage as a sacrament.

Men, you and your wife are now one. She is your body. Don’t abuse it. Love is a decision. Make the decision to love her today just as Jesus makes the decision every day to love his Church and never give up on her. Jesus promised when he formed the Church that the gates of hell would never prevail against it. Even when his Church struggles, Jesus will never give up on her, it is his spouse. We should never give up on our spouse either.